Talking Digital Detox & Silent Retreats with Rini from Digital Happiness

Oct 28

This interview was conducted by Rini for her podcast "Digital Happiness" on World Gratitude Day. The following extract has been translated and shortened from its original.

Rini: Welcome to the Digital Happiness Podcast! I'm Rini and here you'll find a colorful mix of tips and tricks, food for thought as well as instructions and inspiration around the topics of digital mindfulness, personal development, meditation, breathwork, and coaching. Today, I have a very special guest here with me from the Quiet Social Club. Welcome, Iliana!

Iliana: Hi Rini, thanks so much for having me.

Rini: Of course I checked out your website. But perhaps you want to introduce Quiet Social Club for us. What’s it about and why did you create it?

Iliana: Of course. Quiet Social Club is a young mental wellness platform and community and actually inspired by a silent retreat I did in Nepal many years ago. I was amazed by what eleven days without a cell phone - in silence - can affect. For me, it was a reset and also a way to reconnect with myself. And this was an experience I wanted to share with others, but in the Quite Social Club way, and that means “everyday-proof”, accessible, modern, with a scientific foundation. Our goal is to enable everyone to find a moment of calm, well-being, and mental regeneration anytime, anywhere.

Rini: How did this silent retreat impact your life? What did that do in yourself that you said: “Hey, I think this is an experience that other people should have”?

Iliana: At the time I did the retreat I was working in the tech sector. You and I are both the generation that grew up without cell phones and that was really the first time in a long time that I noticed again how that feels, to be without this constant connection. And this experience impressed me so much that I really wanted to share this with others. And I think you can integrate this “silence” very well into your everyday life, it doesn't have to be a Buddhist retreat in Nepal. Our motto is: Make space to be. And to create that space, digital mindfulness is a great way to begin.

Rini: Very true. As you said: It doesn't always have to be Nepal, it doesn't always have to be a monastery or even a silent monastery. Mindfulness and digital mindfulness can and should be integrated into everyday life. What are the myths that you encounter around the topic of mindfulness?

Iliana: Very interesting question. I think the biggest myth that I've come across is that 10-20 minutes of practising mindfulness a day doesn't do anything. The general understanding is that you have your vacation, and that's for relaxing. Self-care is for later. What can I even achieve with ten minutes today? And that's, I think, the myth that I really want to clear up because 10 minutes a day is actually very effective.

This view is not only founded on science, but also inspired by my own experience. Retreats, I've done a lot, whether it is a silent, meditation, or Vipassana retreat. But really the biggest impact on my life was the 10-15 minutes a day, every day. Then of course these things can sometimes seem so simple and basic that you don't necessarily know if it’s really effective? And to that I say, this is something that you have to experience.

And that's another goal of Quiet Social Club, also with the box that we just released: To make it possible that you can experience yourself in this state, today, and every day.

Mindfulness is of course something that builds over the weeks, and months that you practice it. The effect becomes stronger and stronger, but I think even within a few days, you can already notice what it does to you when you practise mindfulness in your life.

Rini: Yes, that is indeed the case, and it is also a topic that I often encounter in conversations with people. People forget that mindfulness itself is a practice, it never reaches a destination where we say “Hey, now I'm mindful. I don't have to practice anymore.” Many also think, for example, with me, that I meditate for hours every day. But for me, it's also 10 minutes. And sometimes I don't even manage the 10 minutes and sometimes, there are days where I don't meditate at all. But through meditation practice, you learn to be mindful in every activity that you do. It will show itself in everyday life, in conversations, in thoughts, that you are more focused, that you find your way back to yourself more quickly. I think it’s that everyday practice that’s so important and that’s also where you (Quiet Social Club) contribute with great products and services. And of course, digital mindfulness. I don’t think this topic can be talked about enough.

Iliana: Thank you for those words. I think we have very similar goals. For one, to share the knowledge and then share ways to apply it.

Rini: How do you experience the topic of digital mindfulness in your immediate environment? What thoughts and feedback do you hear from friends, family, and acquaintances?

Iliana: Actually, I'm in an environment where there is an awareness of the importance of digital mindfulness. As a family, we put our phones away at dinner.

My partner and I also have phone-free time. Then, of course, there are other mindful habits like not using the cell phone right away in the morning, not checking email right away, and so on.

Sometimes, it's still a bit of a struggle to implement it. I think that's the case for many people. But we are now at a point where I think many people realize that this is an important topic. More and more studies are being published about what happens to your brain if you use your cell phone too much.

Rini: Do you use social media privately? How do you deal with these media?

Iliana: I have profiles on social media. But the way it is now, I actually use it very little except to talk to friends who live somewhere else in the world. So my use of social media has really changed a lot in the last couple of years.

I think the moment you have the awareness and ask yourself: “Why am I doing this? What could I make room for?” That's an important question for us at Social Club too. What do you want to make room for? If you think about it, on average, people spend 4 hours a day on their cell phones. Now if you add that up over the year, how much more time would you have to do something you really love.

We could technically be online 24 hours, seven days a week. So I believe the best place to start is with ourselves. And that's your goal, and our goal as well. Just to give some ideas on how to do that.

Rini: Yes, I think that in the long run, the best solution is that we find a conscious way to deal with it, generally with our devices. The Internet is not going to go away, the new forms of communication are not going to go away, they will continue to evolve. I'm also in favour of a mindful use of digital media and of course, mindful social media consumption and mindful social media marketing, basically using media with an intention behind it.

For example: Only when I'm active, only when I post something, do I go in. I'm online for a certain period of time and then I go back out. And it wasn't easy for me either. It's like we said in the beginning, it's a mindfulness practice. I have to practise it every day and that includes maybe deleting social media accounts or apps that you don't use. Or that don't do you any good.

Iliana: I think that some platforms are harder to use mindfully than others, and in terms of which platforms you have, I do think that’s a personal choice and everybody has different needs. Just ask yourself: “Is this making me happy right now? How does it make me feel? Or could I perhaps spend my time in a way that would nourish me more?” I think if you ask yourself these questions, then you'll be able to say for yourself, what stays and what goes.

And in regards to habits, something I don't think is talked about often enough, is the difference between working towards something positive versus denying ourselves something. When we ask ourselves: What do I want to make room for? That might be something I've always wanted to do. Everyone certainly has something that they've always wanted to do or maybe make a habit of, because it's just good for you or it makes you happy. Ask yourself: “What am I making space for here and let me put it in my calendar”. That's why I'm doing this. That’ also what we’re trying to achieve with the self-care box. It's always a positive action. You go into the proactive: “I'm making space for myself”, rather than “I'm going to lock my phone away and I'm not allowed to see it for 7 days.”

Rini: So what are your own rituals around mindfulness and digital mindfulness that you do every day? Or some tips and tricks that you can share with us?

Iliana: So something I do, and that you can really implement right away is “digital sunsets” and “digital sunrises”, so waking up without a cell phone, really spend time with yourself for the first, at least, 15 minutes. To me, that’s me saying yes to myself before checking in with the world. And I think that's quite powerful. And if you make yourself aware of what that actually means, if you don't immediately reach for your cell phone when you wake up, but first maybe journal, meditate or do some breathing exercises, or even just making your coffee in peace…that's really already doing very, very much. And the evening is the same. It's scientifically proven that using our screens before bed delays the release of melatonin. So you have science backing the habit of putting away your phone at least half an hour, ideally an hour before you go to sleep.

Then there’s also device-free Saturday mornings, where it's really a couple of hours without devices and to spend this time for self-care, like going to the forest, running or making brunch with the family. Something that I can also totally recommend is to eat without devices: without laptop, without cell phone. Many of us eat mindlessly, on the go, but when we experience our mealtimes without devices, and really try to be present for this meal, that changes a lot. And with friends, too. The conversation changes when you don’t have your phone with you.

And then the last thing sounds a little bit complicated but it’s really not, it’s multimedia-tasking. That's something I think we all do: watching a movie and at the same time you're looking something up on your phone. And more and more studies prove that if you do that a lot, your focus gets weaker and weaker. So just using one thing at a time.

Rini: We've now talked multiple times about the self-care box and I've had a look at it on the website: everything is in this beautiful light blue color, that really invites you to use the box. Could you explain to us why you created the box and introduce the things you can do with it?

Iliana: Absolutely, yes. As I mentioned earlier, we asked ourselves how we can easily integrate mindfulness into everyday life as well as create an environment where it's easy to experience mindfulness. And the box was our answer to this. The topics you’ll find in the box are digital mindfulness, mindful eating, and gratitude, among others.

With the box, you get 5 physical tools, because this experience is all about going into action. And then you’re accompanied every day in making these mindful habits part of your life with a guide and habit tracker. By practising daily, you build this mindful mindset that translates into other areas of your life.

And thank you for your words regarding the colour. We really wanted something soothing that reminds you: “This is your time now”. That's also what it says on the box. This is your time, take it.

Rini: It's a great idea, because it's something haptic like you said, it's something to touch, it's not another app, although there are really great apps for digital mindfulness and also for meditation. But it's actually a physical thing that you put in people's homes and that they can work with on a daily basis and that also serves as a reminder to use it.

Secondly, for gift giving, Christmas is slowly coming around the corner, I think it's a really great idea to give a loving, thoughtful gift, basically saying: “I think it’s time you do a bit more for your self-care. And here's a really great tool set that you can start with.”

Thank you, Iliana for this very nice conversation, I learned a lot. I'm glad that you guys exist. I'm glad that you offer these great tools for people out there. There are many who need this in their lives. I'm glad we are becoming more in this circle of digital mindfulness. I wish you continued success and maybe see you next time!

Iliana: Thank you so much for this great conversation, Rini. See you next time!