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At well-being school, Resilience wasn’t the most popular kid. He was not like Gratitude, Kindness, or Mindfulness, who excelled at various classes and disciplines. He was not as fun as Joy, or as vocal as Conviction. He was not as honest as Sadness, nor was he as charming as Humility. Yet, there was one thing that Resilience always knew: There would come a time when all the others would need him to step up and carry the others, when the world would need Resilience more than anything else.

In 2020, the world collectively experienced a crisis unlike anything else. It was also the year that the word “resilience” reached a 5-year search peak on Google.

Resilience is a funny thing. Before you need it, you might not be aware that it’s a useful skill to have. By definition, resilience implies that something is already acting against us that we need to overcome — without an obstacle, it's not resilience. Unlike mindfulness or meditation, which will, if practised consistently, yield tangible results, the true value of resilience reveals itself only in moments when you're thrown into the deep end. Resilience remains a hypothetical concept until life comes up with a challenge.

2020 may have been a wake-up call to resilience’s essential role to our lives, but the truth is life will always present us with difficulties, challenges, and setbacks. What determines whether we thrive or sink is the way we approach these situations: It’s our attitude and our actions.

In her article “The Art of Resilience”, Hara Estroff Marano, Editor-at-Large for Psychology Today writes: “Resilient people do not let adversity define them. They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs… It's possible to strengthen your inner self and your belief in yourself, to define yourself as capable and competent.”

Resilience is something you can cultivate, so below, you will find a list of science-based practices, habits, and techniques validated by scientific studies as resilience strategies. While this list is not fully comprehensive, they can facilitate a state of mind and being that will empower you to not just survive, but thrive in the face of challenging situations.

Make time for relationships
We humans are social beings (even the introverts among us). It is essential to our well-being to connect and confide in people we feel we can trust and rely on. Many researchers, among them, Dr Emmy E. Werner, have identified how a strong support network is key to dealing with challenging life situations.

A way you can do this regularly is by making time for people who make you feel joyful and more energised, rather than drained, after spending time with them. Dr. Werner, in her famous 2005 study on resilience in children proposes that having even one person you feel you can rely on is enough to strengthen the sense of community and safety, and thus wellbeing.
You could also join a group that shares the same interests or values. For example, the Meetup app can link you to new friends and relationships who share your hobbies.
Set short-term meaningful goals
During chaotic, challenging times, it’s important to create manageable, realistic goals. The belief that you can actively work towards changing your circumstances (self-efficacy) is essential. This can be facilitated by setting yourself small goals that are meaningful to you, and which you are able to complete.
The American Psychological Association suggests: “Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, ‘What's one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?’” This means turning larger goals into smaller components, working towards achieving one of the steps consistently every day. You will work towards your larger goal a little every day without losing motivation.
Do something kind for someone else
Kindness is not just a way to connect with other people; it can also relieve anxiety, reduce stress, prevent illness and perhaps even make us live longer. Researchers in the field of positive psychology found that random acts of kindness — where something is done without expecting anything in return — don't just boost the receiver’s well-being; it also raises the giver’s. This deeper human connection also leads to an overall increased sense of self-worth.
Volunteering, similarly, is not just a way to give back to the world and your surroundings; it also adds a meaningful activity to your life. Martin Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology, and former President of the American Psychological Association, identifies a purposeful existence - something that's bigger than yourself - as an indispensable building block to our sense of wellbeing in the PERMA model.
Take care of your physical health
With an increasing number of physical diseases being linked to emotions such as stress, anger, and unhealthy lifestyles, the intimate relationship of mental and physical health has never been more apparent.

Physical health is as much about eating healthy foods and moving your body as it is about giving your body rest and reducing stress in your daily life. Many of us have forgotten to listen to our body and the signs it gives us during the day: thirst, hunger, tiredness, restlessness, anxiety.
To listen actively and respond to our bodies, we have to adopt a mindful and compassionate relationship with our body, as well as a sense of gratitude, rather than ignore and override the intrinsic wisdom of centuries of human evolution.
Prioritise sleep
The Dalai Lama once said: “Sleep is the best meditation”. While healthy food and exercise are essential ways to keep our body in good health, sleep remains an essential regenerative process that our body undergoes every night.

During sleep, our mind and brain undergo vital processes that impact anything from our brain and muscle to our emotional and social health —but you don't need science to tell you how a night of poor sleep affects your mood the next day.

We suggest reading Matthew Walker’s book, Why we sleep, which is a milestone in popular literature on sleep and makes the science of sleep available in an easy-to-digest and informative format. Michael Breus PhD equally has made sleep the subject of his professional career and written a series of books on how to sleep better.
Reframe thought patterns that don’t serve you
We all have thought patterns that (we know) are not conducive to our mental well-being, which hold us back, rather than allowing us to move forward. Called “thinking traps” or “cognitive distortions” in the field of psychology, these thought patterns are often negatively biased, and frequently untrue. Examples include catastrophising (thinking about the worst that could happen), mind-reading (believing that you know what the other is thinking), and “all or nothing thinking” (thinking only in two extremes, black and white).

All of us will exhibit different thinking traps in different degrees at different times, but getting to know them is the first step. When knowledge is paired with awareness, you can, similarly to during meditation, gently guide your wandering mind back to the present moment when they up. The key is to stay compassionate and patient with yourself on the journey.
Actively foster positive emotions
When Positive Psychology was founded, it was founded on the premise that mental well-being is not just the absence of mental illness, but rather it is an overall state, of reaching your potential as a human being, of flourishing.

Limiting negative thinking patterns is part of the mental well-being puzzle. So is cultivating positive emotions, like gratitude, compassion and kindness. You can incorporate these easily through daily self-care practices, like gratitude journalling, mindfulness (mindful eating or walking) or meditation (specifically the loving-kindness METTA).

Another important strategy to bring positive emotions into your daily life, as identified by Martin Seligman and his colleagues at the University of Pennsylvania, is to identify and cultivate your unique character strengths more often. Seligman and his colleagues developed the VIA (Values in Action) Strengths test to identify your unique character strengths. Ask yourself what ways you can apply these strengths in your life more often.
Make time for activities that recharge your batteries
In a busy, connected world, identifying and making time for activities that bring you feelings of joy and meaning and that align you with the present moment are essential forms of health care.

This kind of self-care is often mistaken for a luxury, a thing that should only be done if you have time. In fact, proactive self-care practices, like mindfulness, meditation or a daily gratitude practice, are an important prophylactic and an essential form of healthcare.

Quiet Social Club’s Self-care Vision Board Workbook helps you identify activities that help you recharge and replenish your batteries and make space for them more often. Start with one recharge activity that you can accomplish daily. Depending on your schedule, you might have 15 minutes for this activity, or an hour. The most important thing is to do it daily and deliberately, as this amplifies the effects of your self-care practice. Once you get to know the person you are and the life you live when your mental well-being is a priority, making time for activities that support this lifestyle will become a priority too.

Our world is changing every day. By viewing change as an opportunity to explore yourself in a new way, learn new skills, and grow as a person, you will be able to dance with life rather than have life happen to you. Strengthening your resilience muscle will enable you to count on yourself to manage challenges and turn them into opportunities for growth and flourishing.

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